My Dear Friend Honey Bear plays World of Warcraft each Friday night with his friends from work. He plays it other times too. It brings him joy and excitement and adventure.
Now Dr Phil is yelling at people for playing WoW. It is only because he is such a fucking douche.
God bless Honey Bear and God bless bowling night.
Your in Truth and Consequence--
Not Dr. Phil
23 October 2008
25 August 2008
The sun's not yellow; it's chicken.
Here is the problem, friends:
Human beings in capitalism try to get lots of money.
Dr Phil is one of those human beings, and a particularly schmucky one, but he is part of a general trend.
OK, here is the story:
Dr Phil was a football player in college whose team was one of the worst in the history of sports. They lost one game 100-6. That is horrendous. He must have been humiliated. Every time he humiliates one of the guests on his show, I wonder if he is re-experiencing that pathetic day on the gridiron.
So he was a jock, and a shitty one. A big jock whose team sucked. He finished school, got a job from his dad as a psychologist, and sucked at that too. Then he was kicked out of psychology for having sex with a 19 year-old client. Lost his license and never got it back. Seriously, you have to be pretty f-ed up to screw a teenage client.
OK. Then he got a job doing self-help seminars at a place called 'Pathways.' He stole their ideas and put them into his first book. They are not very good ideas, but they were all he had.
Eventually he met Oprah while doing sleazy work helping lawyers rig juries. He charmed Oprah because psychopaths are often charming and got on her show.
Since then he has created the absolute worst form of reality TV. People watch the sufferings of others and live their self-hatred vicariously through Dr Phil's sadism. As a culture, we hate weakness and we believe in punishing those who need help. Dr Phil is exactly what is wrong with our sense of justice. A woman comes on his program looking for help with anorexia. She is suffering intensely and is not able to love or accept herself. Dr Phil tells her she should feel ashamed for what she is doing to her family. Her self-hatred deepens, the rift that cuts her in two is widened and her problems become worse.
Where the fuck is Mr Rogers? I would like to see Mr Rogers fly in from offstage during the taping of a Dr Phil show, cut off Phil's head with an axe, and tell the people at home that they are all neighbors. He would sing a song. I wish I could be Mr Rogers. I wish Dr Phil would choke on rib eye steak and become a vegetable. Vegetables are so full of vitamins.
Here is a recipe for ending the age of hating weakness:
1. Eat cruciferous vegetables.
2. Learn how to love the poor and the insane.
3. Learn how to love Dr Phil through the path of hating him and defeating him.
4. Know that every phenomenon in the universe is supporting your existence in every moment.
Your in Truth and Consequence--
Not Dr. Phil
Human beings in capitalism try to get lots of money.
Dr Phil is one of those human beings, and a particularly schmucky one, but he is part of a general trend.
OK, here is the story:
Dr Phil was a football player in college whose team was one of the worst in the history of sports. They lost one game 100-6. That is horrendous. He must have been humiliated. Every time he humiliates one of the guests on his show, I wonder if he is re-experiencing that pathetic day on the gridiron.
So he was a jock, and a shitty one. A big jock whose team sucked. He finished school, got a job from his dad as a psychologist, and sucked at that too. Then he was kicked out of psychology for having sex with a 19 year-old client. Lost his license and never got it back. Seriously, you have to be pretty f-ed up to screw a teenage client.
OK. Then he got a job doing self-help seminars at a place called 'Pathways.' He stole their ideas and put them into his first book. They are not very good ideas, but they were all he had.
Eventually he met Oprah while doing sleazy work helping lawyers rig juries. He charmed Oprah because psychopaths are often charming and got on her show.
Since then he has created the absolute worst form of reality TV. People watch the sufferings of others and live their self-hatred vicariously through Dr Phil's sadism. As a culture, we hate weakness and we believe in punishing those who need help. Dr Phil is exactly what is wrong with our sense of justice. A woman comes on his program looking for help with anorexia. She is suffering intensely and is not able to love or accept herself. Dr Phil tells her she should feel ashamed for what she is doing to her family. Her self-hatred deepens, the rift that cuts her in two is widened and her problems become worse.
Where the fuck is Mr Rogers? I would like to see Mr Rogers fly in from offstage during the taping of a Dr Phil show, cut off Phil's head with an axe, and tell the people at home that they are all neighbors. He would sing a song. I wish I could be Mr Rogers. I wish Dr Phil would choke on rib eye steak and become a vegetable. Vegetables are so full of vitamins.
Here is a recipe for ending the age of hating weakness:
1. Eat cruciferous vegetables.
2. Learn how to love the poor and the insane.
3. Learn how to love Dr Phil through the path of hating him and defeating him.
4. Know that every phenomenon in the universe is supporting your existence in every moment.
Your in Truth and Consequence--
Not Dr. Phil
31 July 2008
Launching the Campaign
Dear Friends,
We are at the beginning of a campaign that will ultimately change all of our lives. It will lift us up to incredible heights and it will test the limits of our wills. It will seem impossible -- like the forces we are up against are far too great and fearsome ever to yield. But I have hope.
Our purpose here is one-pointed. We vow to utterly defeat Dr. Phil and everything he stands for. We vow to defeat him so completely that he will have never even existed in the first place, backwards in time. It will not be easy, but when confronted with true evil, we cannot sit idly by. We cannot allow such an ugly and annoying man to remain the psychological pillar of our society.
This is a Holy War, and in it we have several weapons at our disposal. First, we will employ science and rigor to expose Dr. Phil's mind-numbing idiocy. With clear, rational thought we will attack Dr. Phil from every conceivable angle. Every word he has spoken or written and his every action will fall to our science and be proven to be stupid.
But we won't end there. We will also employ morality. It is obvious and true that Dr. Phil is immoral. He words are immoral. His actions are immoral. And his thoughts are immoral. We will attack Dr. Phil and show that he is bad in the eyes of the Bible, the Torah, the Koran, the Bhagavad Gita, the Buddhist Sutras and many lesser-known scriptures. We will call him 'bad' over and over again until he admits how bad he is.
We will go further still. We will subject Dr. Phil to social ridicule, stripping him of his pride and dignity as he has stripped his victims of theirs. With a rampant disregard for accuracy, we will claim that he is incontinent, that he farts just before leaving a room, and that he buys baby Angora bunnies only to drown them in a bucket. We will claim all these things and more until not a soul alive would been seen with him in public even if doing so would bring peace to all the people in the world, feed the hungry, clothe the naked and guarantee that person great sex for the rest of his or her life.
I am so intensely serious about this that I am running around my house breaking things. It is beginning. I can feel it. We can do this TOGETHER!!!!
We are at the beginning of a campaign that will ultimately change all of our lives. It will lift us up to incredible heights and it will test the limits of our wills. It will seem impossible -- like the forces we are up against are far too great and fearsome ever to yield. But I have hope.
Our purpose here is one-pointed. We vow to utterly defeat Dr. Phil and everything he stands for. We vow to defeat him so completely that he will have never even existed in the first place, backwards in time. It will not be easy, but when confronted with true evil, we cannot sit idly by. We cannot allow such an ugly and annoying man to remain the psychological pillar of our society.
This is a Holy War, and in it we have several weapons at our disposal. First, we will employ science and rigor to expose Dr. Phil's mind-numbing idiocy. With clear, rational thought we will attack Dr. Phil from every conceivable angle. Every word he has spoken or written and his every action will fall to our science and be proven to be stupid.
But we won't end there. We will also employ morality. It is obvious and true that Dr. Phil is immoral. He words are immoral. His actions are immoral. And his thoughts are immoral. We will attack Dr. Phil and show that he is bad in the eyes of the Bible, the Torah, the Koran, the Bhagavad Gita, the Buddhist Sutras and many lesser-known scriptures. We will call him 'bad' over and over again until he admits how bad he is.
We will go further still. We will subject Dr. Phil to social ridicule, stripping him of his pride and dignity as he has stripped his victims of theirs. With a rampant disregard for accuracy, we will claim that he is incontinent, that he farts just before leaving a room, and that he buys baby Angora bunnies only to drown them in a bucket. We will claim all these things and more until not a soul alive would been seen with him in public even if doing so would bring peace to all the people in the world, feed the hungry, clothe the naked and guarantee that person great sex for the rest of his or her life.
I am so intensely serious about this that I am running around my house breaking things. It is beginning. I can feel it. We can do this TOGETHER!!!!
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